Landslide

In case you've been living on another planet, Buckeyes quarterback Troy Smith won the Heisman Trophy this weekend. It was the 7th time an Ohio State player has won and the 2nd largest margin of victory in the history of the trophy. Watch yourself, Gators.

Glendale

After USC's loss to UCLA in the Pac-10 championship on Saturday night, speculations arose as to who would battle Ohio State in the National Championship game in Glendale, AZ on Jan 8th.

Apparently the voters in the human polls (which make up 2/3 of the BCS rankings) did not want to see a rematch of the Michigan game, because they voted Florida in as the #2 team. Judging by the above survey, the Bucks are favored to win.

Bring it on, SEC.

Bowl Names

When I was a kid, the college football bowl games weren't named after their sponsors. It was the Orange Bowl, not the FedEx Orange Bowl. It was the Sugar Bowl, not the Allstate Sugar Bowl. The change was of course motivated by greed, but I think the names have gotten a little ridiculous. Some bowls are named after companies that seem like an odd choice, like the the Meineke Car Care Bowl or the Brut Sun Bowl. Some have chosen to go with only the company name, like the Champs Sports Bowl or the GMAC Bowl. Some of the companies obviously don't care how long or stupid the name sounds, so we have the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, the Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl, and the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. The Peach Bowl is now The Chick-fil-A Bowl, the Hall of Fame Bowl is now the Outback Bowl and the Citrus Bowl is now Capital One Bowl. I guess the next step is for all of the bowls to add a second sponsor to the end of the name, like the The Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl presented by Bridgestone.

Fortunately the Ohio State Buckeyes will be playing in the most appropriately named BCS National Championship Game.

Sports Movies

I read that the new football movie with Marky Mark, Invincible, did well at the box office this past weekend. It seems like there have been quite a few sports movies, specifically football movies, released in the past few years. So of course I started to see how many sports movies I could name. After some thought and a very small amount of research, here's my list. These are in no particular order and if you think of any that I've left out just leave a comment.

Football
The Longest Yard
Any Given Sunday
Rudy
Wildcats
Necessary Roughness
Varsity Blues
The Program
The Last Boyscout
Invincible
Remember the Titans
Friday Night Lights
The Replacements
The Waterboy

Baseball
Field of Dreams
Bull Durham
The Natural
Little Big League
Angels in the Outfield
Fever Pitch
The Sandlot
Rookie of the Year
For Love of the Game
Bad News Bears
Major League

Basketball
Hoosiers
Teen Wolf
White Men Can't Jump
Blue Chips
He Got Game
Hoop Dreams
Above the Rim
Coach Carter

Hockey
Slapshot
Mystery, Alaska
Mighty Ducks

Golf
Caddyshack
Tin Cup
Dead Solid Perfect
Bagger Vance
Happy Gilmore

Cursed Buckeyes

The Ohio State Buckeyes are on the cover of the current issue of Sports Illustrated. They are ranked number one. This just about guarantees that it won't happen. The only hope is that the cover is one of 6, so maybe those other 5 teams will be cursed and the bucks will come out ahead. Damn you SI!

381-JERK

You might wanna watch your mouth at your next Bengals home game. There's a new service at Paul Brown Stadium whereby you can call the aforementioned number and report any fans next to you who are either using too much foul language, fighting, or are too drunk. I'm not sure how they will measure how much is too much. Like when Hines Ward does the Ickey Shuffle,, you're gonna get some people dropping some f-bombs. And while I'm not a fan of people fighting at games, this all feels a little big brother to me.

Give Head

What a dumbass.

Roethlisblunder

Today in Pittsburg, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was involved in a motorcycle accident in which he suffered a broken jaw, broken left sinus cavity, a 9-inch laceration on the back of his head, lost a bunch of teeth, and has severe injuries to his knees from hitting the pavement. His motorcycling has been an issue in the past, but it came to a head today.

Ouch.

I don't want anyone to get hurt, especially former classmates (actually there are plenty of former classmates for whom I would not shed a tear were they to face plant into a windshield), but I have to admit that I smiled a little when I heard the part about his knees. I have a feeling Carson Palmer smiled a little too.

Theoretical Mind Theory

by Joe Patten

After watching last year's OSU Michigan game again for the 33 time I had one of those light bulb moments where something made sense to me that I had never really cared about before... First of all I'd like to thank DVR for the ability to relive Lloyd Carr's expression as time expired....

We all know what happened at the end of the game, so I won't rehash. The theory I've come up with is the reason why it happened and why it will continue to happen in the future.

Ohio State had just crossed Michigan's 48 yard line on a spinning scramble throw from Troy Smith to Santonio Holmes. On the next play Troy Smith threw an inside slant pattern to Gonzalez that went through his hands and fell about three feet from the stupid Gander safety who was trying to intercept the ball. It was one of those nasty "Holy Shit" moments that make me stand up and throw things in the air... I didn't know at that point in time that Gonzalez would go and TOTALLY REDEEM himself.

Anyways sorry, because it was an incompletion both teams had a little time to regroup. This is where my theory comes into being.

The clock read 1:50. Ohio State was driving toward the end zone but had just made a small error. At this moment in time the Michigan band started playing "Hail to the Victors." 110,000 people started screaming and fans were up on their feet yelling out the lyrics PRAISING THE VICTORS.

The problem with this picture and the reason for my theory is that Ohio State was driving towards the winning TD. "Hail to the Victors" is a completely presumptuous song. Gander fans sing about winning games they haven't even won yet....

As the Blue band cooled down, the Ohio State band chimed in with "Hang on Sloopy." This song makes so much sense to me now!! I always liked the song but it really made sense after hearing 110,000 dick bags singing about how they had won a game that they hadn't really won! Hang on Sloopy don't listen to the idiots who think the game is over...

Ohio State beats Michigan because we are not presumptuous. We have great respect for every team we play. When we go to Michigan we know we are going for a fight. Hang on Sloopy is played because we have to remind all the gander fans that we are not leaving until the game is over. Even if you guys want to call the game while your ahead…

The Victors is a song that should be saved for the end when you have actually won in my opinion… That’s all I'm saying... I sent Lloyd a MEMO but have not yet received a response. This is what it said...

21-19 1:50 left and the Michigan Band plays Hail to the Victors??? (What have you won?)
21-19 1:50 left and the Ohio State Band plays Hang on Sloopy (ignore the presumptuous jerks who think the game is over)

25-21 no time left and the Ohio State Band plays Across the Field (we won let’s celebrate)...

Which school has smarter folks??? Ohio State is so much cooler than Michigan on so many levels. I can't believe anybody could actually like the Wolverines. It’s not too late guys.

"In Every Michigan Fan there is an Ohio State Fan dying to get out!"

Sincerely,

Joe

Odell Flies

Joe sent me this picture of Odell Thurman that Dana sent him. I just thought it was cool. Who Dey?

Drafted Buckeyes

As usual, the Ohio State Buckeyes fared well in the NFL draft with 5 players going in the first round. Here is the breakdown of where they will be playing.

A.J. Hawk - Green Bay Packers
Santonio Holmes - Pittsburgh Steelers
Donte Whitner - Buffalo Bills
Nick Mangold - New York Jets
Bobby Carpenter - Dallas Cowboys
Ashton Youboty - Buffalo Bills
Anthony Schlegel - New York Jets
Rob Sims - Seattle Seahawks
Nate Salley - Carolina Panthers

Final Zero

There was a time when I was excited about this year's NCAA tournament. Now that none of my teams made the Final Four, I'm depressed about it. My only consolation is that there are likely many people in the same boat, since not a single number 1 seed made it. It's like bizarro world.

Madness

Today marks the start of the NCAA tourney (as if you didn't know), and my office is all about it. Maybe it's the fact that the YMCA invented basketball, but it could just be an excuse to do something other than work. I did pretty well in our association wide pool last year, so I'm hoping that my picks pan out again. I picked Wisconsin-Milwaukee, so I'm happy so far.

Cry About It

This 17 year-old Pennsylvania high school student was "humiliated" during an exam last week for wearing a Broncos jersey. They made him sit on the floor and threw paper wads at him. I don't believe there was any spit involved.

I'm not a Steelers fan, but if I were, I would've contributed to said paper onslaught. I'm not necessarily saying it was the right thing to do, but it would've been fun. My favorite part of the whole story is the picture. Also noteworthy is the fact that the school district is named Big Beaver Falls.

Reggie Bush

If you loved watching Reggie Bush this year, you will enjoy his Heisman video.

You might also enjoy his high school highlight reel, which is also insane.

Hanna'd

Though it will never be as funny as being Munson'd, I guess if someone is beaten badly we can now say they were Hanna'd. On Friday night the Hanna High School basketball team of Earlsboro, Oklahoma lost 112-2. And the opposing team even pulled their starters for the second half. I just don't understand how you could actually score 2 points and then never score again. I guess I would understand 112-0 a little more. Where is Scott Howard when you need him?

Trouble Under Tressel

by Joe Patten

Many around the nation are upset by the lewd behavior of the Ohio State Football team under the tutelage of Jim Tressel. Well-documented cases seem to show the lack of social responsibility by many who play ball in the Horseshoe. The question that needs to be asked here is, "who the shit cares about this and why would you blame a coach for the individual’s individual actions?" These boys are dropped into an environment where failure is not an option. Do you really want an example from these football players on how to live life as well as a national championship? Who looks at college football players for life lessons anyway? They are simply bigger than average boys who have been lifting weights and taking classes for the past 12 years. Do you really think they have had time to think and understand their place in the meat market?

Jim Tressel is merely a football coach and should not be scrutinized for the behavior of his players off the field. Many believe they are under intense surveillance. Example: Eric Haw who has been arrested for allegedly puffing on a 'blunt.' The arresting officer (5,9 132 lbs) luckily caught Haw out of a group of 6 people. Does this mean that Haw (6,2 240 lbs) was the only one who could not escape the fiery little man with a mustache? Does anyone think that maybe, just maybe the officer was singling him out? I say let them smoke the reefer and drink a few beers underage. University Police have been hired to protect the student body. There is a fine line between harassment and good police work. Hire some better people.


4 University Police Officers shown after the arrest of 3 OSU players

2001
-Derek Ross, driving without a license, providing false information to police (told arresting officer that he looked like a "child")
-Steve Bellisari, DUI (13 Miller Lights, two Long Island Iced Teas, and 4 shots of 151. Cited for Driving Red Dodge Ram through a stop sign)


Bellasari watches the Mich game after driving drunk through campus

2002
-Redgie Arden, DUI (Arden was arrested for the same offense in 2003)
-Marco Cooper, felony drug abuse, carrying a concealed weapon (caught smoking marijuana out of a two foot bong after sticking a 11 inch booey knife into a table)
-Branden Joe, DUI (Joe also was cited for having an open container of alcohol in 2004)
-Quinn Pitcock, disorderly conduct (caught at 2:30 a.m. with a fifth of Jim Beam in a cornfield while under age. Pitcock told Police he was relaxing)
-Fred Pagac Jr., persistent disorderly conduct (found not guilty and charges were dismissed, Columbus Dispatch ran an apology)

2003
-Maurice Clarett, failure to aid a law enforcement officer (He lied, but if I remember correctly didn't someone steal all of his stuff? Granted it wasn't worth $10,000, but didn't someone steal all of his stuff? I mean he lied and exaggerated, but didn't a criminal steal his stuff? Did they catch the guy who broke into his car?)
-Louis Irizarry, assault, negligent assault and disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers.)
-Santonio Holmes, disorderly conduct (charge dismissed; allegedly watched Louis Irizarry beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers


Holmes was arrested for watching a fight take place

-Troy Smith, disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of Marshall quarterback and punter)
-Ira Guilford and Irizarry, two counts each of robbery and receiving stolen property (Guilford convicted on lesser charges and put on probation; Irizarry found guilty of one charge of felony robbery and sentenced to up to three years in prison)

2004
-Albert Dukes, two counts of lewd and lascivious conduct involving a minor (charges dropped)
-A.J. Trapasso, two citations for underage drinking in a 23-day span (punters can drink, who cares)


Trapasso arrested for the second time after walking home from a party

2005
-Jonathan Skeete, marijuana trafficking (400,000,000,000 lbs of pot found in Skeete's basement on Chitenden Ave or was it an eighth of weed? After destroying his name we found out it was a bag of dope.)
-Erik Haw, marijuana possession (getting high outside is always a bad idea in the city)
-Tim Schafer, disorderly conduct (allegedly beat the snot out of some fat drunk who thought he could take a swipe at him)

Note:
Angelo Chattams, who was facing up to four felony counts of breaking and entering as well as theft in 2002, avoided charges by entering a pretrial diversion program for non-violent, first-time offenders.

Lydell Ross was investigated for passing counterfeit in-house currency at a Columbus strip club in 2004 but was not charged. (Received 9 lap dances for free; ahhhhhh good times)