Found the Scream

Police in Norway have recovered the famous painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch, which was stolen two years ago. I'm happy about this because it's one of my favorite works of art. It may not be as exciting as the FBI grabbing a polygamist, but it's cool nonetheless.

RIP Maynard

Jazz legend Maynard Ferguson passed away yesterday. He was 78. As a trumpet player I grew up worshiping at the alter of Maynard, the king of the screaming high notes and pelvic thrusts. If you think you don't know who he is, watch Rocky again and listen closely. Fisher, Bellomy and I once had the pleasure of driving Maynard, and it was one of the highlights of our high school experiences. He will be missed but his music will always be with us.

Gibson DUI

Mel Gibson was arrested for a DUI today. But we should give him a break. He just lost his wife in a car crash, and he doesn't care if he lives or dies. When he was 19, he did a guy in Laos with a rifle shot at a thousand yards in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot. It's the only thing he was ever good at.

Well, see you tomorrow.

Give Head

What a dumbass.

RIP Randy Walker

Northwestern head football coach Randy Walker died suddenly yesterday of an apparent heart attack at age 52. Before moving to Northwestern he was the head coach at Miami for 9 years. His daughter Abbey and her husband Brian are friends of mine, and my deepest sympathies go out to them and the rest of the Walker family. He was a great human being and his death is truly a tragedy.

Rupert's Space

MySpace has just been purchased by Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation. If you're not familiar with News Corp, they are the conglomerate that owns Fox, DirectTV, TVGuide, and a shit-ton of newspapers. Yes, Fox News and MySpace are now owned by the same company. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. It sounds like they're putting some money into the site though. Hopefully that includes more/faster servers.

Oh Axl

Not that it will come as a big shock to anyone, but apparently this morning Axl Rose was involved in a confrontation in Stockholm, Sweeden during which he allegedly bit a security guard in the leg. You might assume that the only time you'd hear about a 44 year-old man resorting to such tatics would be on COPS, but we're talking about Axl here. It's almost as if he's intentionally trying to stall any possibility of resurrecting his career. Oh Axl, there might be 2 fans out there who are still excited about Chinese Democracy. Are you trying to alienate them too?

Roethlisblunder

Today in Pittsburg, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was involved in a motorcycle accident in which he suffered a broken jaw, broken left sinus cavity, a 9-inch laceration on the back of his head, lost a bunch of teeth, and has severe injuries to his knees from hitting the pavement. His motorcycling has been an issue in the past, but it came to a head today.

Ouch.

I don't want anyone to get hurt, especially former classmates (actually there are plenty of former classmates for whom I would not shed a tear were they to face plant into a windshield), but I have to admit that I smiled a little when I heard the part about his knees. I have a feeling Carson Palmer smiled a little too.

Party in Hell

Tuesday's date will be 6/6/06. I keep seeing this story about the party that's planned in Hell, Michigan. How clever. Don't they know that all of Michigan is hell? Hey-o! Go Bucks!

The Lost Boys

This Philadelphia man deserves a medal. On Wednesday night he was asleep when his bi-polar wife of 11 years tore off his testicles with her bare hands. Fortunately the reattachment sugery was successful. While she originally faced attempted murder charges, she is now undergoing psychiatric evaluation. It hurts just to think about it.

04/05/06

As Dan pointed out to me earlier, today at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. This will never happen again. Of course, yesterday will never happen again either, but that's beside the point.

Simpsons Movie

There has been talk throughout the years about a Simpsons movie. Now we have proof. We have a teaser trailer.

Village Cop

The cop from the Village People has been arrested. Oh, irony. Insert random internal affairs joke here.

Final Zero

There was a time when I was excited about this year's NCAA tournament. Now that none of my teams made the Final Four, I'm depressed about it. My only consolation is that there are likely many people in the same boat, since not a single number 1 seed made it. It's like bizarro world.

RIP Tomarken

Peter Tomarken, host of the classic TV game show Press Your Luck, was killed in a plane crash yesterday. To me he was the quintessential game show host and I hope that he has nothing but big bucks and no wammies in the great beyond.

As a tribute here's a link to a clip from the greatest episode ever, where Michael Larson memorized the squares and took PYL for all it was worth.

So Long Top Gun

The Tomcat is done. No, I'm not speaking of the relationship between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (though I think everyone wishes that was over), but of the plane Tom flew in his best movie, Top Gun. This was of course of the F-14 Tomcat. This week marks the end for the notorious fighter planes. They're being replaced with F-18 Hornets, which are probably awesome but will never replace the F-14 in the hearts of the many young men who watched Maverick and Goose over and over again throughout their adolescence. Here's to you, Tomcat. You won't be forgotten.

Evil Cheney

Somehow I always knew the day would come when Vice President Cheney would shoot someone in the face.

West Wing Canceled

Though it could be said that The West Wing died a long time ago, it will finally be canceled after this season. It's been horrible since Aaron Sorkin left, but before then it was one of my favorite shows. I'm sad it's going to be canceled, but I've been sad about how bad every new episode has been.

RIP Richard Pryor

Comedy legend Richard Pryor died yesterday of a heart attack.
I guess this is just that kind of year.

Disgusting

When I read the headline for this story about a mom who was recently sentenced to 30 years in prison for having sex parties with high school students, I thought awe-some! Then I found out what she looked like. Apparently she gave the kids booze and drugs. Big surprise there. I mean, she's not exactly Stiffler's mom. Even as a desperate teen I wouldn't have touched her in a million years without a hardy helping of Jack Daniels and methamphetamines. Ok, I just wouldn't touch her at all.