Showing posts with label joe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joe. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
My Poem
by Joe Patten
Indiana is a place of Hoosiers
Illinois is orange and blue
Michigan State is located in Michigan
And Michigan is full of poo
Ole Wisconsin smells like hair
In Evanston no one cares
Minnesoter is always soft
And Purdue has nothing but a drum
Iowa has hay
Penn State is work out gay
And Michigan located in Ann Arbor is dumb (dumb like a big pile of crap)
Ohio is the greatest land of all
People born there are better than others and their football is second to none
(last lines are sung to the national anthem)
Ohio State is the greatest team on earth
And that’s why Jesus was birthed
Amen
Indiana is a place of Hoosiers
Illinois is orange and blue
Michigan State is located in Michigan
And Michigan is full of poo
Ole Wisconsin smells like hair
In Evanston no one cares
Minnesoter is always soft
And Purdue has nothing but a drum
Iowa has hay
Penn State is work out gay
And Michigan located in Ann Arbor is dumb (dumb like a big pile of crap)
Ohio is the greatest land of all
People born there are better than others and their football is second to none
(last lines are sung to the national anthem)
Ohio State is the greatest team on earth
And that’s why Jesus was birthed
Amen
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Theoretical Mind Theory
by Joe Patten
After watching last year's OSU Michigan game again for the 33 time I had one of those light bulb moments where something made sense to me that I had never really cared about before... First of all I'd like to thank DVR for the ability to relive Lloyd Carr's expression as time expired....
We all know what happened at the end of the game, so I won't rehash. The theory I've come up with is the reason why it happened and why it will continue to happen in the future.
Ohio State had just crossed Michigan's 48 yard line on a spinning scramble throw from Troy Smith to Santonio Holmes. On the next play Troy Smith threw an inside slant pattern to Gonzalez that went through his hands and fell about three feet from the stupid Gander safety who was trying to intercept the ball. It was one of those nasty "Holy Shit" moments that make me stand up and throw things in the air... I didn't know at that point in time that Gonzalez would go and TOTALLY REDEEM himself.
Anyways sorry, because it was an incompletion both teams had a little time to regroup. This is where my theory comes into being.
The clock read 1:50. Ohio State was driving toward the end zone but had just made a small error. At this moment in time the Michigan band started playing "Hail to the Victors." 110,000 people started screaming and fans were up on their feet yelling out the lyrics PRAISING THE VICTORS.
The problem with this picture and the reason for my theory is that Ohio State was driving towards the winning TD. "Hail to the Victors" is a completely presumptuous song. Gander fans sing about winning games they haven't even won yet....
As the Blue band cooled down, the Ohio State band chimed in with "Hang on Sloopy." This song makes so much sense to me now!! I always liked the song but it really made sense after hearing 110,000 dick bags singing about how they had won a game that they hadn't really won! Hang on Sloopy don't listen to the idiots who think the game is over...
Ohio State beats Michigan because we are not presumptuous. We have great respect for every team we play. When we go to Michigan we know we are going for a fight. Hang on Sloopy is played because we have to remind all the gander fans that we are not leaving until the game is over. Even if you guys want to call the game while your ahead…
The Victors is a song that should be saved for the end when you have actually won in my opinion… That’s all I'm saying... I sent Lloyd a MEMO but have not yet received a response. This is what it said...
21-19 1:50 left and the Michigan Band plays Hail to the Victors??? (What have you won?)
21-19 1:50 left and the Ohio State Band plays Hang on Sloopy (ignore the presumptuous jerks who think the game is over)
25-21 no time left and the Ohio State Band plays Across the Field (we won let’s celebrate)...
Which school has smarter folks??? Ohio State is so much cooler than Michigan on so many levels. I can't believe anybody could actually like the Wolverines. It’s not too late guys.
"In Every Michigan Fan there is an Ohio State Fan dying to get out!"
Sincerely,
Joe
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Space513
There's an awesome new website for Cincinnati called Space513.com. Labeled as "your guide to Cincinnati's best restaurants, entertainment and attractions," it's definitely one of the best uses of flash I've ever seen. And I'm not just saying that because Joe Patten did the music and the site was created by his sister and brother-in-law at Stanard Design Partners. Check it out.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Smilin' Will
Joey's band has a website. Their name is Smilin' Will. While I haven't heard them yet, George Pierson McDavis says they might be the best band in the world. And you can't argue with that.
Note: None of the band members are named Will.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Peeps is 27
This is just a shoutout to my man Joey, whose birthday is tomorrow. Have a good one echoba!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Lerbil
Half lion, half gerbil.
by Joe Patten
Lerbil regresses and explains that he can't quit other Lerbil.
by Joe Patten
Lerbil regresses and explains that he can't quit other Lerbil.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Lerbil
Half lion, half gerbil.
by Joe Patten
Lerbil regretfully informs boss that impending audit work must wait until sickness subsides.
by Joe Patten
Lerbil regretfully informs boss that impending audit work must wait until sickness subsides.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
Trouble Under Tressel
by Joe Patten
Many around the nation are upset by the lewd behavior of the Ohio State Football team under the tutelage of Jim Tressel. Well-documented cases seem to show the lack of social responsibility by many who play ball in the Horseshoe. The question that needs to be asked here is, "who the shit cares about this and why would you blame a coach for the individual’s individual actions?" These boys are dropped into an environment where failure is not an option. Do you really want an example from these football players on how to live life as well as a national championship? Who looks at college football players for life lessons anyway? They are simply bigger than average boys who have been lifting weights and taking classes for the past 12 years. Do you really think they have had time to think and understand their place in the meat market?
Jim Tressel is merely a football coach and should not be scrutinized for the behavior of his players off the field. Many believe they are under intense surveillance. Example: Eric Haw who has been arrested for allegedly puffing on a 'blunt.' The arresting officer (5,9 132 lbs) luckily caught Haw out of a group of 6 people. Does this mean that Haw (6,2 240 lbs) was the only one who could not escape the fiery little man with a mustache? Does anyone think that maybe, just maybe the officer was singling him out? I say let them smoke the reefer and drink a few beers underage. University Police have been hired to protect the student body. There is a fine line between harassment and good police work. Hire some better people.
4 University Police Officers shown after the arrest of 3 OSU players
2001
-Derek Ross, driving without a license, providing false information to police (told arresting officer that he looked like a "child")
-Steve Bellisari, DUI (13 Miller Lights, two Long Island Iced Teas, and 4 shots of 151. Cited for Driving Red Dodge Ram through a stop sign)
Bellasari watches the Mich game after driving drunk through campus
2002
-Redgie Arden, DUI (Arden was arrested for the same offense in 2003)
-Marco Cooper, felony drug abuse, carrying a concealed weapon (caught smoking marijuana out of a two foot bong after sticking a 11 inch booey knife into a table)
-Branden Joe, DUI (Joe also was cited for having an open container of alcohol in 2004)
-Quinn Pitcock, disorderly conduct (caught at 2:30 a.m. with a fifth of Jim Beam in a cornfield while under age. Pitcock told Police he was relaxing)
-Fred Pagac Jr., persistent disorderly conduct (found not guilty and charges were dismissed, Columbus Dispatch ran an apology)
2003
-Maurice Clarett, failure to aid a law enforcement officer (He lied, but if I remember correctly didn't someone steal all of his stuff? Granted it wasn't worth $10,000, but didn't someone steal all of his stuff? I mean he lied and exaggerated, but didn't a criminal steal his stuff? Did they catch the guy who broke into his car?)
-Louis Irizarry, assault, negligent assault and disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers.)
-Santonio Holmes, disorderly conduct (charge dismissed; allegedly watched Louis Irizarry beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers
Holmes was arrested for watching a fight take place
-Troy Smith, disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of Marshall quarterback and punter)
-Ira Guilford and Irizarry, two counts each of robbery and receiving stolen property (Guilford convicted on lesser charges and put on probation; Irizarry found guilty of one charge of felony robbery and sentenced to up to three years in prison)
2004
-Albert Dukes, two counts of lewd and lascivious conduct involving a minor (charges dropped)
-A.J. Trapasso, two citations for underage drinking in a 23-day span (punters can drink, who cares)
Trapasso arrested for the second time after walking home from a party
2005
-Jonathan Skeete, marijuana trafficking (400,000,000,000 lbs of pot found in Skeete's basement on Chitenden Ave or was it an eighth of weed? After destroying his name we found out it was a bag of dope.)
-Erik Haw, marijuana possession (getting high outside is always a bad idea in the city)
-Tim Schafer, disorderly conduct (allegedly beat the snot out of some fat drunk who thought he could take a swipe at him)
Note:
Angelo Chattams, who was facing up to four felony counts of breaking and entering as well as theft in 2002, avoided charges by entering a pretrial diversion program for non-violent, first-time offenders.
Lydell Ross was investigated for passing counterfeit in-house currency at a Columbus strip club in 2004 but was not charged. (Received 9 lap dances for free; ahhhhhh good times)
Many around the nation are upset by the lewd behavior of the Ohio State Football team under the tutelage of Jim Tressel. Well-documented cases seem to show the lack of social responsibility by many who play ball in the Horseshoe. The question that needs to be asked here is, "who the shit cares about this and why would you blame a coach for the individual’s individual actions?" These boys are dropped into an environment where failure is not an option. Do you really want an example from these football players on how to live life as well as a national championship? Who looks at college football players for life lessons anyway? They are simply bigger than average boys who have been lifting weights and taking classes for the past 12 years. Do you really think they have had time to think and understand their place in the meat market?
Jim Tressel is merely a football coach and should not be scrutinized for the behavior of his players off the field. Many believe they are under intense surveillance. Example: Eric Haw who has been arrested for allegedly puffing on a 'blunt.' The arresting officer (5,9 132 lbs) luckily caught Haw out of a group of 6 people. Does this mean that Haw (6,2 240 lbs) was the only one who could not escape the fiery little man with a mustache? Does anyone think that maybe, just maybe the officer was singling him out? I say let them smoke the reefer and drink a few beers underage. University Police have been hired to protect the student body. There is a fine line between harassment and good police work. Hire some better people.
4 University Police Officers shown after the arrest of 3 OSU players
2001
-Derek Ross, driving without a license, providing false information to police (told arresting officer that he looked like a "child")
-Steve Bellisari, DUI (13 Miller Lights, two Long Island Iced Teas, and 4 shots of 151. Cited for Driving Red Dodge Ram through a stop sign)
Bellasari watches the Mich game after driving drunk through campus
2002
-Redgie Arden, DUI (Arden was arrested for the same offense in 2003)
-Marco Cooper, felony drug abuse, carrying a concealed weapon (caught smoking marijuana out of a two foot bong after sticking a 11 inch booey knife into a table)
-Branden Joe, DUI (Joe also was cited for having an open container of alcohol in 2004)
-Quinn Pitcock, disorderly conduct (caught at 2:30 a.m. with a fifth of Jim Beam in a cornfield while under age. Pitcock told Police he was relaxing)
-Fred Pagac Jr., persistent disorderly conduct (found not guilty and charges were dismissed, Columbus Dispatch ran an apology)
2003
-Maurice Clarett, failure to aid a law enforcement officer (He lied, but if I remember correctly didn't someone steal all of his stuff? Granted it wasn't worth $10,000, but didn't someone steal all of his stuff? I mean he lied and exaggerated, but didn't a criminal steal his stuff? Did they catch the guy who broke into his car?)
-Louis Irizarry, assault, negligent assault and disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers.)
-Santonio Holmes, disorderly conduct (charge dismissed; allegedly watched Louis Irizarry beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers
Holmes was arrested for watching a fight take place
-Troy Smith, disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of Marshall quarterback and punter)
-Ira Guilford and Irizarry, two counts each of robbery and receiving stolen property (Guilford convicted on lesser charges and put on probation; Irizarry found guilty of one charge of felony robbery and sentenced to up to three years in prison)
2004
-Albert Dukes, two counts of lewd and lascivious conduct involving a minor (charges dropped)
-A.J. Trapasso, two citations for underage drinking in a 23-day span (punters can drink, who cares)
Trapasso arrested for the second time after walking home from a party
2005
-Jonathan Skeete, marijuana trafficking (400,000,000,000 lbs of pot found in Skeete's basement on Chitenden Ave or was it an eighth of weed? After destroying his name we found out it was a bag of dope.)
-Erik Haw, marijuana possession (getting high outside is always a bad idea in the city)
-Tim Schafer, disorderly conduct (allegedly beat the snot out of some fat drunk who thought he could take a swipe at him)
Note:
Angelo Chattams, who was facing up to four felony counts of breaking and entering as well as theft in 2002, avoided charges by entering a pretrial diversion program for non-violent, first-time offenders.
Lydell Ross was investigated for passing counterfeit in-house currency at a Columbus strip club in 2004 but was not charged. (Received 9 lap dances for free; ahhhhhh good times)
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