Zune Sucks

Today marked the much-anticipated release of Microsoft's attempt at the iPod killer. It's called the Zune, and you should not buy one.

"But Steve!," you say, "it has this cool soft rubber coating and I can send songs to my friends wirelessly!" My response? Wirelessly is not a word, and it still sucks. You can send songs to your friends if they have a Zune, but it takes a while and you can then only play the song 3 times. Lame. Also, their marketing tag line for the Zune is "Welcome to the Social." When was the last time you attended a social? Was there ice cream?

Seriously though, the real issue with the Zune is that Microsoft has agreed to pay the major record labels a portion of the profit from each unit sold. This is because they are assuming that most Zunes will be loaded with stolen music. While this may in fact be true, it's not right of them to assume it, and their paying of the labels sets a very dangerous precedent. And the consumers will pay the price. Literally.

Chad's Mohawk

I'm actually not a big fan of Chad Johnson's blond Mohawk, but if you like it and are looking for a great Halloween costume, this head piece is for you. I guess you could also buy it and go out as Simon Phoenix, it's up to you.

New Beck

I've been meaning to post about the new Beck album for a while now. It seems like it's been kinda under the radar, but it's great. He recorded it with Nigel Godrich, who produced Sea Change and Mutations (and OK Computer and Kid A, while we're talking about it). And if you actually buy it you get a DVD with videos for each of the 15 songs. Awe-some.

New Shuffle

Yesterday Apple released its new iPod shuffle. As you can see, it's even smaller than the old shuffle. Pretty soon we really will be using the iPod invisa from the SNL sketch.

Note: I used to have a link to that sketch but it was taken down by youtube.

Poland Sprung

I recently posted Farasey's letter to Poland Spring regarding their lack of availability in the Chicagoland area. This was their response. The typo of his name is the best part.


Dear Brain,

Thank you very much for your nice words about Poland Spring. I agree, (no coincidence), that it's the best tasting water on Earth. The problem is, due to a very competitive market in bottled water, we primarily sell the product in the northeast. You see all of Poland Spring comes from Maine. It costs quite a bit on money to ship that heavy water very far. Because of that, we market a brand of water in the Mid-West called Ice Mountain, bottled in Michigan. It's our experience that people are only willing to pay so much for their water. This is the best system we have to stay competitive with the likes of Coke and Pepsi ( They market processed tap water, Dasani and Aquafina).

Because of the popularity of Poland Spring, we have a few outlets in Chicago that are willing to sell it at the higher cost. I will have someone get you a list of those accounts

so you don't have to drive to Ohio to find it. For starters, I think you can find Poland Spring at your nearest Whole Foods Market.

I appreciate your passion and loyalty for our products. Please look to hear some more from us shortly.

Regards,

Vice President of Sales and Marketing
Nestle Waters North America

Poland Spring

An open letter from Brain to the makers of Poland Spring...

To whom it may concern:

Sometime in the past five or six years I became an addict. It's one of those things you see happening to other people but never think it will happen to you. I try to keep myself under control and not spend money on things I don't need, but I’m addicted to Poland Spring water and there’s nothing I can do about it.

The only thing that's keeping my addiction from taking complete control of me is the fact that Poland Spring is close to impossible to find in Chicago. I've only discovered two establishments that continuously carry Poland Spring, a Sbarro downtown and a convenient store in Bucktown. Both places only carry pint bottles which aren't practical for the amount of water I like to consume in a given day. Instead I find myself buying eight to ten gallon jugs at CVS when I visit my parents in Cincinnati. Even that only lasts me a week or two then I have to drink bad tasting tap water which somehow tastes worse after it goes through my Brita.

My life would be much more enjoyable and healthier if I could have access to a constant supply of Poland Spring water. I'm not asking for free water or anything. I'm not a freeloader. I would just like to have access to my favorite water.

Many of my friends make fun of me because I have such a problem with Poland Spring. I often hear people saying, "Water is water" and "Why do you have to drink that water instead of other waters?” But I don’t have a good answer. I love the taste of Poland Spring and have since I was in college, but hate the fact that it’s almost impossible for me to get it where I live now.

I would like to see if there is any possible way I could start getting jugs of Poland Spring, just like the jugs I see on the NBC show "The Office." I'll even buy a water cooler and pay for the shipping of the bottles. I’ll do whatever it takes to drink Poland Spring as much as I can. I want my Poland Spring.

Please let me know if there is anything I can to do help this situation. If it's going to every CVS in the area and requesting that they start carrying Poland Spring. If there are other regular retailers in Chicago I would be happy to start frequenting those spots, but I need to know where they are.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing back from you in the near future.


Sincerely,

Brian Farasey

New Guster

Guster's new album, Ganging Up on the Sun, was released yesterday. Erin and I have been enjoying it for the last few weeks. Do I feel guilty? Not really. I pre-ordered it through their website for delivery to my door. I just decided to use the internet to get a jump on my listening. I love technology. Anyway, give it a listen if you like good music.

Best Buy Prank

The folks at Improv Everywhere staged this genius prank where they recruited 80 people to dress in royal blue polos and khakis and infultrate a Best Buy store all at once. They documented their caper quite well and the result was about what you would expect: the lower level employees loved it and the managers freaked out.

Gas Temperature Map

I am depressed about the price of gasoline, but this map gives me even more reason to be happy I don't live in California anymore.

New Ben Harper

I've been listening to the new Ben Harper album, Both Sides of the Gun, all weekend. It comes out tomorrow and I suggest that you check it out if you're a fan of good music. I've been anxious to hear it since Diamonds on the Inside was so good. This one is very different but lives up to expectations. There are two discs. One is slower mellow stuff and the other is faster and funkier. Both are great.

Walocaust

Some people really hate Wal-mart. Not surprisingly, Wal-mart really hates these people.

WashDryIron

Behold the WashDryIron, which will wash, dry, and iron your clothes for you. But why doesn't it fold them? What about putting them in your dresser? I think it could use some work.

The Slanket

My favorite new product is the Slanket. The concept is simple. It's a blanket with sleeves. But it falls into the "why didn't I think of that" category. Along with the cool idea and name, they have some great company slogans including "We'll put your grandma out of business."

MusiCured

There is now a pillow with built-in speakers that plays Mp3s. It was developed to play specific relaxing music. I would like to market a modified version that comes preloaded with Adore by Prince and a 100% get-laid-guarantee.

And don't even get me started on these new-fangled musical breast implants...

Humtop?

Some things are ridiculous. The Hummer Laptop is one of them.

T-shirt Hell

A woman was recently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for wearing a politically charged t-shirt. Ok, maybe she was kicked off because her t-shirt had the f-bomb on it. Either way, I don't think it's right. But I love the fact that the t-shirt was inspired by the greatest show in the history of television.

As a result, a website called T-Shirt Hell is proclaiming that if you get kicked off a flight for wearing one of their t-shirts, they will "provide you with alternate transportation to get you to your original destination. This transportation includes, but is not limited to, the T-Shirt Hell corporate jet." Sounds good to me. Here are my favorites, though I doubt any of these would do the trick:

NARCOLEPTICS SLEEP AROUND

I STOLE THIS SHIRT FROM A HOMELESS GUY- WHY HE HAD A SHIRT THAT SAYS THIS, I'LL NEVER KNOW

I'M WHAT WILLIS WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT

OB/GYN KENOBI

MEDIUM PIMPIN'

EASY like Sunday morning

I'M NOT GETTING JIGGY, I HAVE PARKINSON'S

Disclaimer: I hate people who wear gimmicky t-shirts, but it's funny to read them on a website.

Segway Segway

I saw this at thought it was cool to see how the Segway evolved from a prototype to a finished product. Plus George Oscar Bluth II likes them.

Nintendo Revolution

Today Nintendo revealed the controller for its new Revolution gaming system. It's quite similar to a typical remote except that as you move it through the air it controls the game.

Quite a change through the years from this:



to this:

Play on, Player

On the left is the iPod Nano. On the right is the iPod Shuffle.
My birthday is Monday.

Kill Me