Poland Spring

An open letter from Brain to the makers of Poland Spring...

To whom it may concern:

Sometime in the past five or six years I became an addict. It's one of those things you see happening to other people but never think it will happen to you. I try to keep myself under control and not spend money on things I don't need, but I’m addicted to Poland Spring water and there’s nothing I can do about it.

The only thing that's keeping my addiction from taking complete control of me is the fact that Poland Spring is close to impossible to find in Chicago. I've only discovered two establishments that continuously carry Poland Spring, a Sbarro downtown and a convenient store in Bucktown. Both places only carry pint bottles which aren't practical for the amount of water I like to consume in a given day. Instead I find myself buying eight to ten gallon jugs at CVS when I visit my parents in Cincinnati. Even that only lasts me a week or two then I have to drink bad tasting tap water which somehow tastes worse after it goes through my Brita.

My life would be much more enjoyable and healthier if I could have access to a constant supply of Poland Spring water. I'm not asking for free water or anything. I'm not a freeloader. I would just like to have access to my favorite water.

Many of my friends make fun of me because I have such a problem with Poland Spring. I often hear people saying, "Water is water" and "Why do you have to drink that water instead of other waters?” But I don’t have a good answer. I love the taste of Poland Spring and have since I was in college, but hate the fact that it’s almost impossible for me to get it where I live now.

I would like to see if there is any possible way I could start getting jugs of Poland Spring, just like the jugs I see on the NBC show "The Office." I'll even buy a water cooler and pay for the shipping of the bottles. I’ll do whatever it takes to drink Poland Spring as much as I can. I want my Poland Spring.

Please let me know if there is anything I can to do help this situation. If it's going to every CVS in the area and requesting that they start carrying Poland Spring. If there are other regular retailers in Chicago I would be happy to start frequenting those spots, but I need to know where they are.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing back from you in the near future.


Sincerely,

Brian Farasey