by Joe Patten
After watching last year's OSU Michigan game again for the 33 time I had one of those light bulb moments where something made sense to me that I had never really cared about before... First of all I'd like to thank DVR for the ability to relive Lloyd Carr's expression as time expired....
We all know what happened at the end of the game, so I won't rehash. The theory I've come up with is the reason why it happened and why it will continue to happen in the future.
Ohio State had just crossed Michigan's 48 yard line on a spinning scramble throw from Troy Smith to Santonio Holmes. On the next play Troy Smith threw an inside slant pattern to Gonzalez that went through his hands and fell about three feet from the stupid Gander safety who was trying to intercept the ball. It was one of those nasty "Holy Shit" moments that make me stand up and throw things in the air... I didn't know at that point in time that Gonzalez would go and TOTALLY REDEEM himself.
Anyways sorry, because it was an incompletion both teams had a little time to regroup. This is where my theory comes into being.
The clock read 1:50. Ohio State was driving toward the end zone but had just made a small error. At this moment in time the Michigan band started playing "Hail to the Victors." 110,000 people started screaming and fans were up on their feet yelling out the lyrics PRAISING THE VICTORS.
The problem with this picture and the reason for my theory is that Ohio State was driving towards the winning TD. "Hail to the Victors" is a completely presumptuous song. Gander fans sing about winning games they haven't even won yet....
As the Blue band cooled down, the Ohio State band chimed in with "Hang on Sloopy." This song makes so much sense to me now!! I always liked the song but it really made sense after hearing 110,000 dick bags singing about how they had won a game that they hadn't really won! Hang on Sloopy don't listen to the idiots who think the game is over...
Ohio State beats Michigan because we are not presumptuous. We have great respect for every team we play. When we go to Michigan we know we are going for a fight. Hang on Sloopy is played because we have to remind all the gander fans that we are not leaving until the game is over. Even if you guys want to call the game while your ahead…
The Victors is a song that should be saved for the end when you have actually won in my opinion… That’s all I'm saying... I sent Lloyd a MEMO but have not yet received a response. This is what it said...
21-19 1:50 left and the Michigan Band plays Hail to the Victors??? (What have you won?)
21-19 1:50 left and the Ohio State Band plays Hang on Sloopy (ignore the presumptuous jerks who think the game is over)
25-21 no time left and the Ohio State Band plays Across the Field (we won let’s celebrate)...
Which school has smarter folks??? Ohio State is so much cooler than Michigan on so many levels. I can't believe anybody could actually like the Wolverines. It’s not too late guys.
"In Every Michigan Fan there is an Ohio State Fan dying to get out!"
Sincerely,
Joe
13 comments:
As we all know, Joe is delusional. You can't blame him, really. At a young age his parent locked him in a closet with Woody Hayes and let Woody manhandle him. What kind of person would *you* turn into if that happened to you? Exactly. OSU has run off a couple of lucky games in the past few years mostly due to pure dumb luck, but also partly because of their steroid-infused felons and petty thieves. The sun shines on a dog's ass...blah blah blah. My point? Yes, I have one. The worst fans in the world belong to the Buckeyes, and not in the sense of being passionate. They're passionate alright, and sometimes even knowledgeable, but they are likely the most despicable sports fans outside of international soccer (ask anyone who went to the Texas-OSU game last year). OSU fans are the social equivalent of the kid who threatens to have his dad beat up your dad. I leave you with this quote from Mr. Patten. Try as hard as I did not to laugh: "We have great respect for every team
The worst fans in the world belong to the Penn State fans.
Fielding save your crybaby posts for your woman's studies classes. Nobody likes to hear sore losers whine and moan about their insecurities. Now if you have a valid Theoretical Mind Theory like me with Scientific Data backing up your claims go ahead. Crying about how Ohio State fans are mean to you doesn't do anything for me. My dad won't whip your ass I will. Name the time and the place. I'll even let you choose the weapon, cause I know you Michigan fans don't play fair...
I love Wisconsin's, I mean Ohio state's new uniforms.
Penn State has no tradition
That's why Joe Paterno has seen 4 or 5 different coaches come through O$U.
I will give it to Michigan. They do have the best helmets in college football.
At the end of the day only one thing matters: wins and losses. You can beat your chest all you want about who won the last game, but that's one season. If we only permit our memories to go back a year, then the greatest baseball team ever is the White Sox, and Texas is college football's greatest school of all time. We all know that'd ridiculous. So to get an accurate view you have to take a look at history, who's consistently been the best, who's on top, and who stands taller than the rest. I don't need to tell you who the winningest college team ever is, do I? And maybe in 20 years we can discuss OSU and Michigan being on an even keel in the record books, but that's pretty unlikely as well (this one must make you cry, because it's not even remotely close). Maybe someday it'll even out before your grandkids die.
You're right.
You caved in way too fast, Joe.
I love big hairy Men
I choked that kid because I was frustrated that Michigan wouldn't hire me.
Spit? And lose all that taste
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