Found the Scream

Police in Norway have recovered the famous painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch, which was stolen two years ago. I'm happy about this because it's one of my favorite works of art. It may not be as exciting as the FBI grabbing a polygamist, but it's cool nonetheless.

Poland Sprung

I recently posted Farasey's letter to Poland Spring regarding their lack of availability in the Chicagoland area. This was their response. The typo of his name is the best part.


Dear Brain,

Thank you very much for your nice words about Poland Spring. I agree, (no coincidence), that it's the best tasting water on Earth. The problem is, due to a very competitive market in bottled water, we primarily sell the product in the northeast. You see all of Poland Spring comes from Maine. It costs quite a bit on money to ship that heavy water very far. Because of that, we market a brand of water in the Mid-West called Ice Mountain, bottled in Michigan. It's our experience that people are only willing to pay so much for their water. This is the best system we have to stay competitive with the likes of Coke and Pepsi ( They market processed tap water, Dasani and Aquafina).

Because of the popularity of Poland Spring, we have a few outlets in Chicago that are willing to sell it at the higher cost. I will have someone get you a list of those accounts

so you don't have to drive to Ohio to find it. For starters, I think you can find Poland Spring at your nearest Whole Foods Market.

I appreciate your passion and loyalty for our products. Please look to hear some more from us shortly.

Regards,

Vice President of Sales and Marketing
Nestle Waters North America

Sports Movies

I read that the new football movie with Marky Mark, Invincible, did well at the box office this past weekend. It seems like there have been quite a few sports movies, specifically football movies, released in the past few years. So of course I started to see how many sports movies I could name. After some thought and a very small amount of research, here's my list. These are in no particular order and if you think of any that I've left out just leave a comment.

Football
The Longest Yard
Any Given Sunday
Rudy
Wildcats
Necessary Roughness
Varsity Blues
The Program
The Last Boyscout
Invincible
Remember the Titans
Friday Night Lights
The Replacements
The Waterboy

Baseball
Field of Dreams
Bull Durham
The Natural
Little Big League
Angels in the Outfield
Fever Pitch
The Sandlot
Rookie of the Year
For Love of the Game
Bad News Bears
Major League

Basketball
Hoosiers
Teen Wolf
White Men Can't Jump
Blue Chips
He Got Game
Hoop Dreams
Above the Rim
Coach Carter

Hockey
Slapshot
Mystery, Alaska
Mighty Ducks

Golf
Caddyshack
Tin Cup
Dead Solid Perfect
Bagger Vance
Happy Gilmore

YouTube Links

Michael Jackson's first moonwalk

The best of Ari Gold

Fonzie Jumps the Shark

Jessie Spannow Meltdown

Brian Fellow

Napoleon's Dance Scene

ManBearPig

Baseball Manager Meltdown

Awesome Hockey Fight

Seal Dribble

Mike Tyson Post Fight

Michael Jordan Montage

Artest Fight

Tiger's Nike Shot

Possibly the Best Dunk Ever

Kitlers

Today I was sent a link to a site with pictures of cats that look like Hitler, or Kitlers. This is further proof that whenever I think I've seen it all, there's something else out there that I never could have imagined in a million years. Enjoy.

RIP Maynard

Jazz legend Maynard Ferguson passed away yesterday. He was 78. As a trumpet player I grew up worshiping at the alter of Maynard, the king of the screaming high notes and pelvic thrusts. If you think you don't know who he is, watch Rocky again and listen closely. Fisher, Bellomy and I once had the pleasure of driving Maynard, and it was one of the highlights of our high school experiences. He will be missed but his music will always be with us.

Play On, Playa

From Farasey:

I got a random text message from an unfamiliar 513 number last night. I was intrigued and bored and the conversation went like this:

? - Wat up
Me - Who is this?
? - Taunta
? - You dont know who i am
Me - Why text me?
? - Oh its like that
Me -Yep
? - Ok then i holla
Me - Play on
? - Play on wat
Me - Playa
? - From wat hear you the pimp
Me - Says who
? - Nobody but how am i a playa
Me - Its an expression...didn't wanna call you a clown since i don't know who you are.
? - Sure wats good tho

I didn't understand what they were trying to say/ask in that last text so I just left it at that.

Colbert's Wikiality

If you are dedicated to upholding and documenting truthiness, Wikiality is the site for you. A portmanteau of "Wikipedia" and "reality", this Stephen Colbert Wikipedia parody site is great if for no other reason than it helps keep track of who is on notice (bears, for sure) and who is dead to him. I love the internet.

Cursed Buckeyes

The Ohio State Buckeyes are on the cover of the current issue of Sports Illustrated. They are ranked number one. This just about guarantees that it won't happen. The only hope is that the cover is one of 6, so maybe those other 5 teams will be cursed and the bucks will come out ahead. Damn you SI!

James Morrison

This guy has been in my CD player for the last week and I wanted to share. He's James Morrison, a British singer-songwriter who is about to blow up. Yes, he shares a name with a certain rock legend, but this kid is the real deal. He's got a voice that sounds closer to Stevie Wonder than any white kid I've ever heard. It's that soul sound that artists like John Mayer, Teddy Geiger, and Joss Stone are going for, but Morrison actually has the goods. In a Joe Cocker kind of way. It helps that his songs are great and well produced. Check out his album whenever you get a chance.

Poland Spring

An open letter from Brain to the makers of Poland Spring...

To whom it may concern:

Sometime in the past five or six years I became an addict. It's one of those things you see happening to other people but never think it will happen to you. I try to keep myself under control and not spend money on things I don't need, but I’m addicted to Poland Spring water and there’s nothing I can do about it.

The only thing that's keeping my addiction from taking complete control of me is the fact that Poland Spring is close to impossible to find in Chicago. I've only discovered two establishments that continuously carry Poland Spring, a Sbarro downtown and a convenient store in Bucktown. Both places only carry pint bottles which aren't practical for the amount of water I like to consume in a given day. Instead I find myself buying eight to ten gallon jugs at CVS when I visit my parents in Cincinnati. Even that only lasts me a week or two then I have to drink bad tasting tap water which somehow tastes worse after it goes through my Brita.

My life would be much more enjoyable and healthier if I could have access to a constant supply of Poland Spring water. I'm not asking for free water or anything. I'm not a freeloader. I would just like to have access to my favorite water.

Many of my friends make fun of me because I have such a problem with Poland Spring. I often hear people saying, "Water is water" and "Why do you have to drink that water instead of other waters?” But I don’t have a good answer. I love the taste of Poland Spring and have since I was in college, but hate the fact that it’s almost impossible for me to get it where I live now.

I would like to see if there is any possible way I could start getting jugs of Poland Spring, just like the jugs I see on the NBC show "The Office." I'll even buy a water cooler and pay for the shipping of the bottles. I’ll do whatever it takes to drink Poland Spring as much as I can. I want my Poland Spring.

Please let me know if there is anything I can to do help this situation. If it's going to every CVS in the area and requesting that they start carrying Poland Spring. If there are other regular retailers in Chicago I would be happy to start frequenting those spots, but I need to know where they are.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing back from you in the near future.


Sincerely,

Brian Farasey

381-JERK

You might wanna watch your mouth at your next Bengals home game. There's a new service at Paul Brown Stadium whereby you can call the aforementioned number and report any fans next to you who are either using too much foul language, fighting, or are too drunk. I'm not sure how they will measure how much is too much. Like when Hines Ward does the Ickey Shuffle,, you're gonna get some people dropping some f-bombs. And while I'm not a fan of people fighting at games, this all feels a little big brother to me.

Wikipedia Lists

Every time I think that I've seen the coolest thing ever to hit Wikipedia, I find something cooler. This time it's their list of lists of lists. What? That's right, they have long had lists of cool things. What could be better than a list of those lists? A bigger page that breaks those lists down by category and lists everything! Confused yet? Just check it out.

The New Joker

I'd heard the rumor last week, but it was officially announced today that Heath Ledger, of gay cowboy fame, will be playing the Joker in the new Batman prequil entitled The Dark Knight. I wonder what Jack Nicholson is thinking. Actually, he's probably just thinking that he's Jack Nicholson, and if he felt like it he could sleep with your mother and you'd thank him for it.