Cigarette Throwing Bastards

I understand that your car and your bathroom are just about the only places you can smoke these days, but if you must smoke in your car, would you mind not hurling the flaming butts out your window? And if you drive an 18-wheeler, would you not throw them on my windshield? This happened to my yesterday. Twice.

I don't know if a car could ever explode from a stray butt. Does it matter? This is not an illegal act, but I do know that there was an incident in San Juan where a man was stopped "for tossing one from his window. He claimed it was the cherry, not the butt. Debate ended after his suspended license commanded a new charge and arrest." This doesn't really help my case other than to say be especially careful down there in PR. But seriously, my car could explode. Couldn't it?

The City of Boulder reminds smokers to "use ashtrays and extinguish cigarettes before discarding them. Officials believe a cigarette tossed from a car window started a grass fire last summer." And my car could explode!

Car manufacturers love you! They put those ashtrays in there just for you! And for my change... but mainly just for you! Take advantage!

Check This Out

I love technology, don't get me wrong. When I first saw these machines popping up in retail stores I was excited because I tend to loath talking to clerks. I don't feel bad about this because I used to be a clerk and never really enjoyed when people made a 45-second effort to speak to me. The self-checkout machines also had the potential to help me leave the store faster.

Unfortunately I've never had a speedy or positive experience at a self-checkout. Most of these machines have clearly marked limits on the number of items a customer is supposed to be purchasing. Would this not be measured by the number of barcodes you will be scanning? So all 18 of those two-liters of caffeine free diet lime coke you're buying should count separately, don't you think? I'm the guy who's standing there with my credit card in hand, mentally deciding which items I will be bagging together. Why do I always fall in line behind people who seem to be making as much of an effort to be slow as I am to be fast?

Not only do these people shatter the item limit, but they can never figure out how to use the machines in the first place. They have watched a clerk go through the same exact motions thousands of times. There are very simple instructions on the screen. This isn't a space shuttle folks! Inevitably the one clerk stuck near the self-checkouts comes over to help, leaving one to ponder why these people are so ambitious. Do they not realize that they are supposed to scan the items themselves? Are they in denial?

The few times I've been lucky enough to end up in line behind someone with some clue as to how the process works, they end up paying with a check, again defeating the entire purpose. And those who attempt to put cash into the machine? Forget it!

Seriously people, just let one of the sad minimum wage clerks handle your business and let the rest of us handle ours.

Trouble Under Tressel

by Joe Patten

Many around the nation are upset by the lewd behavior of the Ohio State Football team under the tutelage of Jim Tressel. Well-documented cases seem to show the lack of social responsibility by many who play ball in the Horseshoe. The question that needs to be asked here is, "who the shit cares about this and why would you blame a coach for the individual’s individual actions?" These boys are dropped into an environment where failure is not an option. Do you really want an example from these football players on how to live life as well as a national championship? Who looks at college football players for life lessons anyway? They are simply bigger than average boys who have been lifting weights and taking classes for the past 12 years. Do you really think they have had time to think and understand their place in the meat market?

Jim Tressel is merely a football coach and should not be scrutinized for the behavior of his players off the field. Many believe they are under intense surveillance. Example: Eric Haw who has been arrested for allegedly puffing on a 'blunt.' The arresting officer (5,9 132 lbs) luckily caught Haw out of a group of 6 people. Does this mean that Haw (6,2 240 lbs) was the only one who could not escape the fiery little man with a mustache? Does anyone think that maybe, just maybe the officer was singling him out? I say let them smoke the reefer and drink a few beers underage. University Police have been hired to protect the student body. There is a fine line between harassment and good police work. Hire some better people.


4 University Police Officers shown after the arrest of 3 OSU players

2001
-Derek Ross, driving without a license, providing false information to police (told arresting officer that he looked like a "child")
-Steve Bellisari, DUI (13 Miller Lights, two Long Island Iced Teas, and 4 shots of 151. Cited for Driving Red Dodge Ram through a stop sign)


Bellasari watches the Mich game after driving drunk through campus

2002
-Redgie Arden, DUI (Arden was arrested for the same offense in 2003)
-Marco Cooper, felony drug abuse, carrying a concealed weapon (caught smoking marijuana out of a two foot bong after sticking a 11 inch booey knife into a table)
-Branden Joe, DUI (Joe also was cited for having an open container of alcohol in 2004)
-Quinn Pitcock, disorderly conduct (caught at 2:30 a.m. with a fifth of Jim Beam in a cornfield while under age. Pitcock told Police he was relaxing)
-Fred Pagac Jr., persistent disorderly conduct (found not guilty and charges were dismissed, Columbus Dispatch ran an apology)

2003
-Maurice Clarett, failure to aid a law enforcement officer (He lied, but if I remember correctly didn't someone steal all of his stuff? Granted it wasn't worth $10,000, but didn't someone steal all of his stuff? I mean he lied and exaggerated, but didn't a criminal steal his stuff? Did they catch the guy who broke into his car?)
-Louis Irizarry, assault, negligent assault and disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers.)
-Santonio Holmes, disorderly conduct (charge dismissed; allegedly watched Louis Irizarry beat the snot out of 5 Marshall University Linebackers


Holmes was arrested for watching a fight take place

-Troy Smith, disorderly conduct (single handedly beat the snot out of Marshall quarterback and punter)
-Ira Guilford and Irizarry, two counts each of robbery and receiving stolen property (Guilford convicted on lesser charges and put on probation; Irizarry found guilty of one charge of felony robbery and sentenced to up to three years in prison)

2004
-Albert Dukes, two counts of lewd and lascivious conduct involving a minor (charges dropped)
-A.J. Trapasso, two citations for underage drinking in a 23-day span (punters can drink, who cares)


Trapasso arrested for the second time after walking home from a party

2005
-Jonathan Skeete, marijuana trafficking (400,000,000,000 lbs of pot found in Skeete's basement on Chitenden Ave or was it an eighth of weed? After destroying his name we found out it was a bag of dope.)
-Erik Haw, marijuana possession (getting high outside is always a bad idea in the city)
-Tim Schafer, disorderly conduct (allegedly beat the snot out of some fat drunk who thought he could take a swipe at him)

Note:
Angelo Chattams, who was facing up to four felony counts of breaking and entering as well as theft in 2002, avoided charges by entering a pretrial diversion program for non-violent, first-time offenders.

Lydell Ross was investigated for passing counterfeit in-house currency at a Columbus strip club in 2004 but was not charged. (Received 9 lap dances for free; ahhhhhh good times)

Prepare for Takeoff

Welcome to the new and improved stevepoland dot net.

I've recently given the site a complete overhaul. The previous version (which can still be found here) was just a basic site used as a placeholder. It had limited functionality and zero style. While things are still coming together, many of the new features are already in place.

What are these new features you ask?
-comments on posts
-posts from people other than Steve
-email a post to a friend
-post directly to del.icio.us
-banning people (watch out)
-much, much more

We're going for a new approach here. We're talking about articles instead of snippets. We're talking about inspiration. We're talking about a revolution.

Will you revel with us? revolve with us? revolutionize with us?

Download Your Brain

Start saving your money, because when we get to the point where you can download your brain to a computer and live immortally, it will be expensive.

Crying While Eating

I don't really know what to say about this.

Creation vs Evolution

This is a pretty good article.

PS3

The Playstation 3 was revealed yesterday. If you still haven't seen it, click here.

Crazy Piano Guy

Have you heard about the guy in London who they found walking around? He won't speak or communicate in any way besides playing the piano. He's in an institution right now, but he's still my hero.

Random

Just in case you were in a good mood...
some pictures of an abandoned amusement park.

Chappelle Just Chillin' Out

If someone paid me $50 million to do a TV show, I'd want to be sure it was good. That's my theory about why Dave Chappelle left his show and went to South Africa. It's easy to think things are funny when everybody around you is kissing your ass.

Check out this article

20,000

My MP3 collection has reached 20,000. I just wanted to say that.

Revenge of the Script

If you can't wait a week, you could just download the
Episode III script...

Xbox 360

Will this be cool?

Faraballer

"I keep my stuff in baskets on my floor because I'm using it all RIGHT NOW."

-Brian Farasey

Blucas?

Apparently many people plan to skip all or part of the workday on the first two days of Revenge of the Sith.

Estimates of lost income for those days are over $600 million. Rock out George Lucas!

Greasemonkey

One of the great things about Mozilla Firefox is that you can now modify you browser AND the way specific pages display. This is done with a Firefox extention called Greasemonkey. The way the web works is about to change. Check this out and beat the rush.

Bluetooth

In case you've been wondering just what this Bluetooth talk is all about...

Save Toby

I swear I don't have a hangup about death and rabbits, but this site Dan sent me was too funny and smart not to post.

iPod Vending Machine

So when are we going to get our PC vending machine?

iPod vending machine

Bunny Suicides

This is proof that anything can be funny. Even rabits committing suicide.

Mitch Hedberg Petition

Sign the petition to help get a memorial special for Mitch Hedberg on HBO.

Folksonomy

Word of the day:

Folksonomy

Because I love tags.

Happy 555!

Happy 5/5/05! Today is the coolest day since April 4th, 2004. Actually, today is cooler because it is the 125th day of the year, and 5x5x5 =125.

Solid as a Rock

In case you can't worship Jesus without a 62-foot statue of him in front of your church...

OK, If You Insist

http://www.albany.edu/faculty/sywang/

Yo! Mama!

Sure your mom loves you, but does she love you enough to leave a busload of kids unattended and come get your back in a street brawl?